The Lonely Island - 3 Way (The Golden Rule) Lyrics Ft. Justin Timberlake & Lady Gaga

The Lonely Island - 3 Way (The Golden Rule) Ft. Justin Timberlake & Lady Gaga Lyrics:

Yeah
Backin' that ass
Your mom says "Hi" — Jinx!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[Repeat a few times]
Summertime in the city
And everybody's having sex
You know I just got a page from a girl that I met last week at the Pay-less
Shoe stores
I also have a cutie to call who loves the way I knock on her boots
Well let's help them back
Let's handle that
In two-to-six hours,
We'll meet back here and regroup
Now let's shoop
Roll up to her crib with some Bartles & James
Hop off the bus with the Alizé
Now hold up player, whatchu diggity-doing here?
I should diggity-ask you the same
And she sang
Hey, boys I want you both
I hope that you think that's cool
(Say word?)
I know most guys won't freak together
She forgot about the golden rule — a huh huh
It's OK to put us in a three-way
It's not gay when it's in a three-way
With a honey in the middle there's some leeway
The area's grey in a one, two, three-way
Normally, I don't get down with dudes
But tonight is a special exception (Great)
See you're my best friend
Through thick and thin
Now it's time to make a triple connection
Lights off
Here in the dark (Here in the dark)
It's so hard to tell (So hard to tell)
Where her body ends (La la)
And my homie's begins (Ew wee)
This rule dates back (The Golden Rule)
To ancient Greece (Takin' about Cesar)
We're two Jack Trippers and a Chrissy
The new Three's Company
It's OK to put us in a three-way
It's not gay when it's in a three-way
With a honey in the middle there's some leeway
The area's grey in a one, two, three-way
Fellas. Get ready.
Doin' us a chick
Helicopter dick, go!
Helicopter dick.
Helicopter dick
Doin' us a chick
Helicopter dick
Well
And all of that was OK
Cause it was in a three-way
It's quite clear when you see the instant replay (boom)
Maybe two is enough
That's what they'll say
But we'll say, "Hell no! "
One, two, three-way
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
The golden rule

The Lonely Island - After Party Ft Santigold Lyrics

The Lonely Island - After Party Lyrics:

After the club is the after party
After the party is the hotel lobby
After that, you know it's diamond Cris
And after that, I say, "Excuse me, miss"
And after that, we goin' back to the room
And after that, she's gonna leave real soon
And after that, I crack one more beer
And after that, I just stare in the mirror
And after that, I start freakin' out
What the hell am I doing with my life?
Call up my mom and get my cry on
I order room service, get my apple pie on
And after that, I just walk the streets
A homeless dude throws up on my feet
And I see just how pointless life is
Full on existential crisis
Tear off my clothes and scream at the sky
Fall to my knees and ask God, "Why? "

This nightlife is killing me
I think I'm losing my mind
I yearn to fly, yet I sink
Stalling tears is my dream

After that, I drive into the hills
And trade my car for a bottle of pills
And after that, I'm on a vision quest
Put my mind, body, and spirit to the test
And after that, I meet my totem spirit
It's a rattlesnake, so I have to kill it
Then I drink all his blood and steal his powers
And slither around in the dirt for hours
And after that I start jerking off
Up on a mountain, jerking off
Down by the river, jerking off
And that's when I have my epiphany
You can't spend your whole life jerking off
And after that, I'm going back to the city

This nightlife is killing me
No more jerking off
Fate only knows what's in store
Stalling tears for me, no more

And after that, I clean up my life
Join AA to make it right
And after that, I get my thirty day chip
And after that, I go sell a bit
And after that, I'm a whole new man
Brew complimentary in my hybrid van
I give my life to meditation
Then sleep with a whore at a Greyhound station
And after that, I have a full relapse
Then lose my hand in a game of craps
And after that, everyone calls me Claw
And after that, I work for Tim McGraw (Hey!)
And after that, I pass out in a sewer
Meet a giant fish, fuck his brains out
And after that I'm filled with shame
No one but myself to blame
Nothing in my heart but pain
And next week we're gonna do it again!

This nightlife carves hooks in me
I'm back to jerking off
I tried but could not break free
Stalling tears return to me

Started in the club
Then he moved to the Hills
Really freaked out and drank snake blood
Got himself clean
Now back in the club
And that's where I've been in this song

But it's stalling tears
This playboy life's too much for me

After the club is the after party
After the party is the hotel lobby
Stuck in a cycle I just can't win
And after that, it all happens again

The Lonely Island - Reba (Two Worlds Collide) Lyrics

All copyrights belong to NBC

The Lonely Island - Reba (Two Worlds Collide) Lyrics:

[Andy:]
Oh, it's been a long time coming
Two of the world's greatest
America's Sweetheart, Ms. Reba McEntire
(Yeah, yeah, how you doin', Andy?)
We 'bout to take it to the top
Hit 'em, Reba

[Kenan:]
Haters in my face try to keep me down
But you know we keep on shining (Here we go!)
Two crazy big stars from opposite worlds
'Bout to set this track on fire
(Yeah, she's the queen of country)
He's a comedy prince
Makin' something out of nothing
(We hooked up in the studio to make this song!)
But as usual we ended up fucking (No doubt!)

[Andy:]
Flashback to when I first met Reba
Sitcom dressing room, puffing on cheeba
I said I was a fan, she said "groovy"
Dropped her denim skirt and said, "hop to it"
Made love all night (More like we fucked!)
Kids banging on the door, tryna interrupt
But them autographs can wait
Cause this is way too strong
I can't leave it alone
Because her pussy's the bomb

[Kenan:]
Well my pussy is the bomb and that's a fact
But these n-words keep on tripping (Okay!)
So I stay on my grind and drop these hits
Cause I can't go back to stripping (I'm Reba!)
(You're my undercover freak)
And you're my best friend, but our families don't approve
(That's right 'cause I'm a city boy)
And I'm a country girl
And I'll never leave your sweet balls blue

[Andy:]
Ay, because a girl like Reba's got just what I need
With big, broad shoulders and a red ass weave (And a penis)
Hot damn, she fly
All she wanna do is fuck me
I'm a lucky guy (I'm a guy too)
My friends think I should dump her
They say she's a man who found a wig in a dumpster
(Your friends are smart)
Naw, Rebs, they're just jealous cause I'm dating a star
Instead of hanging with the fellas (Hanging like my nuts)
Word up, they're just liars
They can't believe that I could pull Reba McEntire

[Kenan:]
Since I came out my mama's butt
I knew I was destined for greatness
I looked in a dumpster and saw a wig
And thought, "Hey brother, I'm gon' take this" (Tell 'em, Reba!)
So I put it right on and took a stroll
Right over to 30 Rock (SNL!)
I saw Andy Samberg and he thought I was Reba
And I made him suck my dirty cock

[Andy:]
So there you have it
Two worlds collide
We the new Bonnie and Clyde (Reba!)
From haystacks to Maybachs, our love will survive
For Reba I ride, 'til the day that we die (I'm Reba!) 

The Lonely Island - Rocky Lyrics

The Lonely Island - Rocky Lyrics:

Here's a little story that I think you'll like
It's not about Shaq or Iron Mike
So buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna get choppy
And listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky

One day me and all my friends were hangin'
Talkin' 'bout which of the girls was most bangin'
Then one friend says, "You know who's really tough?
"Rocky, " (hit me home) "the boxer." Man,

I said, "Yeah I know him. What about him? " He said,
"He's really tough." "No way, man. I'm calling your bluff
"I think that I can take him and, to prove my point,
"I'll challenge him in public." (Yeah, that's the joint!)

So the very next day, stayed true to my word
And I snuck on T.V. so I could be heard
I said, 'Rocky, if you're out there, I think you're a nerd.
"And I'll lick you and bury you like a dog turd! "

I got kicked out, but the candle was lit
'Cause the people had to know if my claim was legit
It made the headlines and I got the call
It was Rocky ("Hey") and he wanted to brawl

We negotiated terms and set the date
Then I went into training to add some muscle weight
While I punched on meat in a rickety shack
He was sippin' on wine, having models rub his back

At the weigh-in, boy the tension was high
Me and Rock, toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye
I talked some trash, we got pulled apart
I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart

Skip ahead, the big night was finally here
My body was ripped and my mind was clear
We entered the arena to the roar of the crowd
People chantin' my name - I never felt so proud

Faced off once more in the center of the ring
Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went [ding]
He hit me with a left and shattered my face
And a right sent my teeth all over the place

Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket
He broke my jaw and my trainer yelled, "Stop it! "
But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs
Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids

They yelled out, "More! " and Rocky obliged
I had to think of some way to turn the tides
So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might
Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right

Then a sucker punch left and a sucker punch right
Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights
He tore off my arms and beat me with 'em
Then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision

He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin
The bone splinters shot right out of my skin
People barfed in the crowd; they were going insane
And Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain

I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts
Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports)
The doctor came out and pronounced me dead
And that was the night I fought Rocky

The Lonely Island - No Homo Lyrics

The Lonely Island - No Homo Lyrics:

hey man…

hey,

dood your looking pretty swoll have you been working out?

uhh yeah! why you looking?

ohh no not like that man i mean no homo…ohhh no homo coooooooool

when you want to compliment a friend, nohomo

but you don’t want that friendship to end, no homo

to tell a dood just how you feel nohomo

just say nohomo so he knows the deal no homo

yo man you got a fresh style.no homo

and you know you got the best smile nohomo

your girlfriend is a lucky lady nohomo

with your looks you’d make a handsome baby nohomo

i like the way your soulders fill out that shirt nohomo

its hard to pullit off but you make it work nohomo

hey yo i kinda like your natural sent nohomo

hey i kinda like the musical rent nohomo

man i can’t decide who wore it best nohomo

i admitted im a fasionesta nohomo

and i know everyline of mr pizza nohomo

The Lonely Island - Mama Lyrics

The Lonely Island - Mama Lyrics:

this one goes out from the bottom of our hearts, to the most important lady in our lifes, its time to pay some respect, i hope your proud of us, cuz were proud of you. mama you raised me right showed me for life. thru painted stripes, you gave us life. when i fell down you were the one to pick me up. when i fell back you were there to build me up. gave everything you had in the world for me. and you made me the man i'm supposed to be. even tho i dont say it offen enough, i appricate everything you did for us. never take it for graudted cuz it ant hard to see the best parts of you are now apart of me. and it was cold outside you kept us warm and held us down.

"-mom: hi boys who wants a snack?"

"mom get out were in the studio"

"-mom: just checking on my guys."

"were making a track you idoit!"

"just leave go!!"

"-mom:oh okie doke"

"you suck mom!!"

you're my one true love. my heart my mom. showing respect in the form of this song. so when life gets hard and, it makes you cry, ill always be there to wipe the tear for your eye. my moms my number one fan my best friend and, ill never disrespect my mom.

mom

"-mom:i know you said your not hungry but i made ants on a log."

"get the fuck out!"

"go!"

"mom: now hows your little club going?"

"it's not a club its a rap group."

"-mom: well ill leave these hear anyways and eat them if you want.

"fine!

"go to hell mom!"

she's an angel on earth with invisible wings. i put no one above in summer, winter or spring or fall.

"-mom: have you guys seen the remote?

ahh

ahh

"leave us alone"

"fuck you mom"

"leave us alone"

"i hope you fucking die!"

"mom-watch it.

jump in frount of a bullet if it would save my mom.

you got a gun going bullet cuz you will never see harm.

"mom- never mind i found it.

(crashing noises)

god damn it.

oh my god.

shut the door you asshole

dale: laura everything okay?

shut the fuck up dale

mom: hey be nice to dale

fuck dale

i cant believe you have sex with that guy.

this goes out to all the mammas trying to protect there kids from drama. love blah blah blah. now matter what they say im buei

The Lonely Island - Turtleneck & Chain Ft. Snoop Dogg Lyrics

The Lonely Island - Turtleneck & Chain Ft. Snoop Dogg Lyrics:

turtle neck n’ chain (x3) (sippin’ on a light beer) – (x2)

my turtleneck fat and my chain so thin,

n’ im sippin’ light beer, n my crew right here

chain razor thin like beer in my cup,

and my sweater on turtle with the neck on buff

huge turtle neck and my chain so skinny

beer light all night, stand up get dizzy

light cup, beer drink, thin so chain, neck turtle fat, man i won’t say it again

turtle neck n’ chain (x3) (sippin’ on a light beer)

turtle neck (check) with another on deck

incase i spill something on it (like some light beer, yeah)

we be braggin’ bout who’s chain the thinnest

turtle neck thicker than delta burse women in the guinness (now bear with me)

but they can’t see my chain,

metal so thin it dissolve when it rains

got more chains than the snow patrol

everyone razor thin like an insect stripper pole

turtle neck n’ chain (x3) (sippin’ on a light beer)

chain so light when police roll by, i made it flow (i made it flow)

and my beer so light you could see right through it, like a ghost

and i also wear turtle necks

sweaters swallowing my chain like it’s stuck in the couch

looking like cookie mother floss in this mouth

find me coolin’ on the corner sippn’ light beer foam

you can tell by my turtle neck and chain that i bone

t-turtleneck, light beer n’ a thin ass chain, n’ that’s it (x2)

-snoop dogg-

the rabbit kicked the bucket, dog said f**k it,

get my 2 step on, with my turtle neck on

thin ass chain, like beer in my glass

mackin at the bitches, the ones with the ass

girl you know it’s true, tell me what it do

oh you like my style, say you like my crew

say you wanna’ be under my chest, this turtle neck is like one of my best (x2)

so i guess your dress, no stress, stayin’ fresh as my bandana

ima crook, so my look, ima game go getta

the fatter the puppy, get the fluffy, get the bigger the turtleneck,

the more gangster it is

turtle neck n’ chain (x3) (sippin’ on a light beer)

turtle neck n’ chain (x3) (sippin’ on a light beer)

The Lonely Island - We’re Back Lyrics & Video

Ask DJ Khaled, WE THE BEST! Track 01 intro song off The Lonely Island's new album TURTLENECK & CHAIN! Album in stores May 10, 2011!!

The Lonely Island - We’re Back Lyrics:

Let’s get ‘em Kiv!

Aye yo my dick don’t work, that shit is soft as a pillow

My girlie lookin’ at me like “You for real dude?”

Aye yo, hold up, hold up, we gotta come harder than that! Yo tell ‘em Andy!

I think there might be something wrong with my dick

It’s like a melted stick of butter so soft that it can’t fill a rubber.

Aye yo come on man, this is Lonely Island, people are countin’ on us, I gotta run all these motherfuckers myself! Whoo!

Aye yo I think I broke my dick in the sink

it’s so small and ugly, all smashed and flat like it was playin’ rugby.HOLD UP HOLD UP, this is serious, Kiv let ‘em know!

Yo for real though, I suffer from stinky dick.

Every time I take a piss it smells just like shit.

HAHA yeah that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout! Andy show ‘em how it’s done!

My dick looks like the fat that you cut off a steak, smashed in like my balls went and stepped on a rake.

LONELY ISLAND! GRAMMY NOMINATED, YEA! HIT ‘EM AGAIN!

Yo straight out the box with my soggy little shrimp

I was a eight year old girl before the doctor found my dick.We make too much money for this shit, murder music!

I shit the bed cause my dick played a prank on my butt

HIT EM! Straight crept when I slept and stuck a laxative up..

SUPPOSITORY MUSIC! WHATCHY’ALL KNOW ABOUT INCONTINENCE?!

I got hepatitis c from horse, but no confusion, JEAH!

It wasn’t from the sex it was a blood transfusion!

WHAT?! MOTHERFUCKER GOT HORSE BLOOD! WHAT Y’ALL GOT?

I write freaky fan fiction where cartoons fuck

got CGI Garfield lickin’ Marmaduke’s nutsWHOO! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT! THIS IS THAT GARFIELD SEX MUSIC! NOW YA’LL JUST SHOWIN OFF! PREACH!

I got a friend named Reggie who lives down at the dump

every other week I swing by and bring him some lunch

OH!! NOW THAT JUST SOUNDS NICE!

IMA CALL IT RIGHT THERE, GAME OVER MOTHERFUCKERS!

LONELY ISLAND, WE STARTED THIS FAKE RAP SHIT! THE WORLD NEEDS US!

[End]

The Lonely Island - Do The Creep Ft. Nicki Minaj Lyrics & Video

Saturday Night Live (SNL) Skit by The Lonely Island & Nicki Minaj.

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The Lonely Island - Do The Creep Ft. Nicki Minaj Lyrics:

When you’re out at a club and you see a fly girl

do the creep (haaaa)

do the creep (haaaa)

And if you wanna make friends at the ATM

Do the creep (haaaa)

And do the creep (haaaa)

Well we got a new dance, so get up on your feet

It’s real easy to do and it’s called the creep

Let your hands flop round like a marionette

Pop your knees up and down sh-sh-shakin’ your neck

Now pull your waistband up like you expecting a flood

And stick your hair down flat like it was covered in mud

Trim up your pencil mustache and pop them peepers

Put this in your speakers, you a certified creeper

When you see a country bitch laying out at the beach

Do the creep (haaaa)

And do the creep (haaaa)

And when a fine PYT walks in front of your tree

do the creep (haaaa)

And do the creep (haaaa)

I was six years old when I started creeping

My parents took it to their room and I started peeping

Can you imagine their surprise when they lifted their heads

And saw my little ass creeping at the foot of the bed

And they knew I was a creep since the day I was born

Get popping out of momma like some chemical(?)

And the doctor saw my head and he starting freaking

Cause I came clean and I came out creeping

When I was a girl, I creeped in the boys locker room

Hide deep inside, it was my little creep stalker room

As they dis-robed I was oogling and oggling

Little did they know that for me they was modelling

And I would laugh ha ha ha ha ha haha

And they would dance la la la la lalala-laaa

So pop pop pop your peepers and turn out your sneakers

Don’t sleep, come and get ya creep on with me

Go get ya sweating off ya bride at her wedding

do the creep (haaaa)

And do the creep (haaaa)

But when you sneek into a wake and you see a beefcake

Do the creep (haaaa)

And do the creep (haaa)

When the judge is a hottie and you can’t control ya body

Do the creep (haaaa)

And do the creep (haaa)

So get ya knees flexin’ and your arms T-rexin’

Do the creep (haaaa)

And do the creep (haaa)

And don’t forget to smile.

The Lonely Island – I Just Had Sex Ft. Akon Lyrics & Video

The first single of The Lonely Island's 2nd album!!!  Featuring Akon, Jessica Alba, Blake Lively and John McEnroe! The Lonely Island is Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer & Jorma Taccone.

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The Lonely Island – I Just Had Sex Ft. Akon Lyrics:

sometimes (ooohhh)
something beautifil happens in this world
(akon)
you don't know how to express yourself
so...
(and lonely island)
you just gotta sing...

i just had sex...
...and it felt so good!
a woman let me put my penis inside of her!
i just had sex..
...and i'll never go back..
..to the not-havin'-sex ways of the past

have you ever had sex?
i have-it felt great!
it felt so good when i did it with my penis
a girl let me do it
it literally just happened..
havin' sex can make a nice man out the meanest!
never guess where i just came from-
i had sex!
if i had to describe the felling-
it was the best!
when i had the sex, man my penis felt great!
and i called my parents right after i was done

oh hey, didn't see you there-
guess what i just did!
had sex, undressed-
saw her boobies and the rest
was sure nice of her to let you do that thing
nice of any girl ever-
now sing!

i just had sex...
...and it felt so good!
a woman let me put my penis inside of her!
i wanna tell the world!

to be honest i'm surprised she even wanted me to do it
doesn't really make sense-
but man, screw it!
i ain't one to argue with a good thing
she could be my wife-
that good?
he best 30 seconds of my life!
i'm so humbled by a girl's ability to let me do her
'cuz honestly i'd have sex with a pile of manure
with that in mind, the soft, nice smellin' girl's better
'cuz she let me wear my chain and my turtle neck sweater

so this one's dedicated to them girls...
that let us flop around on top of them!
if you're near or far, whether short or tall..
we wanna thank you all for lettin' us f*ck you!

she kept lookin' at her watch-
(doesn't matter have sex!)
but i cried the whole time-
(doesn't matter have sex!)
i think she might've been a racist-
(doesn't matter have sex!)
she put a bag on my head-
(still counts!)

i just have sex
and my dreams came true!
(dreams came true)
so if you had sex in hte last 30 minutes then you're qualified to sing with me!

i just had sex
(everybody sing!)
and it felt so good!
(we all had sex!)
a woman let me put my penis inside of her
(i wanna tell the whole world!)
i just had sex and i'll never go back
(never go back!)
to the not-having-sex
days of the past